Less is more
Don’t panic, I’m going to buck a trend that’s established over the past 6 weeks and say that things have been fairly quiet. Phew.
I’d really felt like I’d reached peak exhaustion about 10 days ago - everything seemed so much harder than it should have. I felt like I had a constant weight on my shoulders and no matter how much time I spent flat on my back, I had nothing in the bank. I mentioned this to Josh and I thought it made sense to blame the drugs. I was taking various quantities of Targin, Mobic, Panadol Osteo, a tablet for my stomach lining and the anti-coagulant injection…surely it was something in there that was making me feel flat. Josh asked a few questions, provided support and let me come to my own conclusion that it’s just me, feeling a bit beaten up and not feeling overly happy about the situation. It was bound to happen but my approach of trying to ignore the thoughts had burnt me out. I asked if we could try less pain meds anyway - I wanted to to help my stomach out a little having had reflux and I also wanted to feel more of what had happened. It might sound a bit odd but it was almost like I needed a reminder of why I’m still in hospital. It’s been 6 weeks and I’m constantly wondering if it’s really that bad, if I’m being a bit precious being wrapped in cotton wool here because they do everything for you.
Josh was great, he cut a few pain meds and sent a psychiatrist my way to talk through a few things. I’m feeling a lot more at ease and bit closer to reality than the fog I’d been in. Turns out pain meds are pretty effective at making you feel nothing both physically and mentally. I’m glad to be finished with them and find myself being a bit more careful with my sore points because I know that I’ll get uncomfortable if I don’t. I’m going through a few heat packs every day but it’s well worth it and I wouldn’t go back to the pain meds unless I really had to.
So with my clear(er) mind, I’m trying to engage activities slightly more stimulating than back to back episodes of new season House of Cards on Netflix or Walking Dead on Foxtel Play. I’ve been listening to some podcasts, I’ve been reading a bit more and Mum has brought Scrabble and a pack of cards. We had a ‘warm up’ round this afternoon and there were quite a few laughs between us trying to engage the brain. It’s a work in progress but that’s ok because there’s still a bit more time to go here.
The Alfred has confirmed my next appointment is the 7th April for scans and consults for my leg, pelvis, back and wrist. Hoping to get the cast removed from my wrist and also hoping for a green light to start weight bearing through my right leg. We’ve had a bit of conflicting information about my hip since discharge from Trauma so it’ll be interesting to see what they say. It’s been quite devastating to watch my muscles go to absolute mush so I’m hoping to be able to reverse that soon.
In the shorter term, I’m looking forward to receiving a new wheelchair this week. As soon as we found out my wrist needed to be plastered, my physio Chris was a gem and organised a new wheelchair for me. This one will allow me to push myself using only my left hand (without only turning right) - they seem to have equipment for everything here :) It was due to arrive last week but good things take time so i’m hoping for sometime this week.
More good news thanks to all the work at physio - the slow resurrection of my left calf….
I’ve also spent some time painting nails, getting my hair done etc. Basic but very necessary :)
Coming up at physio, more standing on my left leg and learning to pivot so I can move myself from bed to chair/equipment/bed/car without needing the slide board. Hopefully more good news to come…