Back to the Alfred

This week has been full of ups and downs. To kick off, I’ll start with the ups:

I nailed my transfer!

We did laundry!

The dinner menu treated us like 12 year olds with ‘spaghetti’ - what a treat :)

Work sent me some amazing cupcakes :) I’m scared that I’ll be rolling out of here at the end of my stay so they were shared with the nurses and physios. Hope I scored some extra kudos.

And finally, Ghita and I were chatting in her room one evening. Security came in and told Ghita visiting hours were over for the day and that she had to leave. He didn’t quite understand that we were both patients. Slow day at the office for him.

And then there was Friday…(warning, long post)

Friday marked a big day in my rehab calendar - it was my first outpatient appointment two weeks after being discharged to review my wounds and general progress. To say I was looking forward to the appointment would be an understatement - I remembered coming away from the same appointment following my collarbone surgery feeling like I was on track to making a full recovery because I met with the surgeon and I saw the evidence (scans) of the bone healing. Tim and I had been discussing the review earlier in the week - I’d probably have an X-Ray to get confirmation I can start to weight bear on my left leg and we expected the plaster to be taken off and replaced with a boot. A big goal that I was ready to tick off.

At 8:30am the patient transport driver Greg dropped into my room to let me know his colleague was off sick so he was running late and wouldn’t be able to pick me up until 9:45-10am. Greg is great, he’s always really careful and tries hard to make things as comfortable as possible, so I really felt for him that his day hadn’t started well. My appointment was at 10:15am so I knew it was going to be tight, missing this was not an option. I was about to have a shower when the nurses came in with my slow release pain killer, phew. They needed to duck out briefly so I jumped on my phone to kill some time. They came back, I tucked my phone under my leg, took my tablet and wheeled straight into the shower. I was having a great time until I realised my phone had joined me in the shower. My phone died a slow death throughout the day, not ideal. A silly mistake that made me a little frustrated but I had my appointment so I tried to forget it.

Greg arrived, off we go to the Alfred in the Patient Transport. The number of cyclists we passed without helmets, weaving in and out of traffic never ceases to amaze me. One guy stopped and held onto the side of the van - I could see him but he couldn’t see me. I think there’s always a sense of ‘yeah but it won’t happen to me’ with cycling. A part of me wanted to tap on the glass and say ‘look out for yourself’ but I’d like to think he’s aware of the risks. I think sometimes things just happen that we can’t explain, my accident was just one of those things.

We arrived at the Alfred, Greg took me up to the Specialist Consulting Clinic. We signed in and Greg left to continue on with his other patients for the day. I was called up for my X-Ray, a bit more waiting and then I was called through. I asked the guy who was wheeling me in “Are you able to x-ray with all the plaster still on there?”. He looked puzzled, looked at his notes and looked even more puzzled. “I have you marked as getting your clavicle imaged, is that right?”.

“Ah, no. My leg… points at leg in a rather large cast. I had a plate put in my collarbone two years ago and it’s fine now.”

He steps away to speak to some people and someone senior looking returned to say there had been a mistake, we picked the wrong file but yes you’re here for your leg and return to the waiting room. Ok, sure. Back to the waiting room, then off to a room with 6 beds. I was joined by a doctor who was the outpatient registrar. “Hi, I’m looking at your wound today. Can you jump on the bed for me?”

Throughout this whole process I’d like to think I’ve been understanding when others haven’t been aware of my limitations. I realise my right leg isn’t in plaster, it’s not entirely obvious there are two breaks in my hip. The one place where I didn’t expect to have to be so understanding was the Alfred. No, I can’t ‘jump’ on the bed, I can’t put weight on my legs. I asked if they had a slide board available, as this is my only way I can get myself from the wheelchair to the bed unassisted. No, no slide boards, stay in the chair. The plaster is removed, he peels off the dressings and says “Great! You’re fine to start weight bearing now”. I’m a little ignorant about medical terms, so I had to ask the question “What does that mean?”….Blank looks, followed by “you can weight bear now, as tolerated. You can put as much weight as you like”.

I won’t go through the whole conversation because that would just mean that I copy and paste the last paragraph about 3 or 4 more times. In a nutshell, the registrar hadn’t read my file in detail, wasn’t able to provide any further detail about what constitutes ‘weight bearing’, offered no assurance about whether putting weight through my left leg would have any impact on my hips or spine, etc. Aimee, my lovely physio from my collarbone and all round great person had visited me the night before. We’d collated a list of questions to help me understand next steps. This had been on the proviso that I’d be seeing someone who could provide that information. Unfortunately this registrar wasn’t my guy so we never made it through my questions.

He later decided I should probably have an x-ray of my pelvis, so it’s back to the x-ray room. The same issues came up again - just ‘pop’ on the bed…why can’t you use your right leg? And no slide board again. Thankfully the radiographer was understanding and helped me improvise with a sheet of plastic but the bed couldn’t lower enough and it wasn’t a pleasant transfer. X-rays done, back to the waiting room then back to the 6 bed room. The doctor returns, my hip looks good and I’m free to go. Feeling underwhelmed, I asked if I get a boot or something to support my left leg. Nothing, apparently the more I can move it the better. I think this was the point that I should have been happy, but I couldn’t have felt worse.

It’s now 24 hours later and I can say now that this is probably sound medical advice. The truth is, at the time I was devastated. Only two weeks ago I learned I had a compound fracture and 2 breaks in the leg that required a rod and some nails to put it back together. A few other broken bones thrown into the mix and I was flat on my back. Fast forward to the appointment, I was hearing “you’re free to put as much weight as you want on your left leg, unsupported”. I think the part I struggled the most with was the lack of confidence that any of my 5 broken bones are “ok”. No slings, casts or support. Just me, trying to get around in a wheelchair hoping that they all hold together. The cast had given me both physical and mental support. It had hidden the scars underneath and had made me think I was ‘patched up’. The metal rod is reassuring, but it also terrifies me. I’m not that petite, I’d like to think I have (/had) some muscle and that there’s a bit of weight to support…can the rod hold me up? What if the bones aren’t back together - there was no x-ray to confirm his decision on the day.

There were some tears. Quite a few. So much that they donated me a box of tissues and poor Greg was left to pick me up and take me back to the Epworth. Sure, I left with my goal achieved “remove cast and confirm weight bearing”, but that was literally it. I felt like he might as well have sent me a text message that morning…“Jen - you can weight bear. From the Alfred”. Smoke signal could’ve done the trick. The doctor did what we was told, followed his usual procedure and went about it in a very standard way. The issue was that my expectations for what I was going to get out of the appointment were so much higher than what was achieved, I felt numb and like I had no clarity on recovery, no support for my leg and no idea what was going to happen.

Thankfully, in come the Epworth staff to save the day. First it was the nurse with pain meds - i’d taken so long at the Alfred that I missed my lunchtime Tramadol, Panadol and Nurofen and I’m sure that hadn’t done me any favours. Next in comes Tim, physio and experienced tissue provider after the events earlier in the week. He reassured me that there are some positives for not having a boot - I can start to move my ankle more, I can help massage the bruising and also that it was a feeling that I was bound to have at some point - it’s never easy losing the cast/boot/support. He suggested I try to weight bear but it didn’t go well, I tried to plant my foot but my leg said no. Tim brushes it off and says my new physio from next week will help me work on it. I’m really going to miss Tim - he’s helped me go from not being able to move much in bed to up and about in a wheelchair. Here’s hoping Chris (my new physio) is just as good.

Then in comes Josh, one of the doctors. Josh is a cyclist himself and gets the whole ‘active person stuck in a bed’ problem. We talk through what’s on my mind, he gives me some honest facts. He reminds me I’m a TAC patient - we’re lucky to receive the 6 star treatment because the doctors are very accountable for our recovery. As such, they’re not going to take risks and I should feel reassured that I’m getting the right advice. It helps, but I also mention I’m struggling without getting their advice on timings, what comes next. Work have been incredible with letting me take time off but I feel like it can only go on for so much time without giving them a return date. Josh helps me to work out a rough timeline - maybe return to work around late April/early May - and I’m feeling a bit better again.

I was left to relax and try to get my head around everything. The whole day was full on from the moment I woke up and definitely didn’t go to plan. I did learn more about my recovery timeline from Josh and I did get the green light for weight bearing so I’ll be seeing more progress next week. It won’t be the smooth ride I’d hoped for without the support of a boot but it was inevitable and I’ll just need to focus on managing the pain and getting enough rest.

So in summary, I hit my goals for the week.

• I can transfer solo
• I can dress myself (and even wash my clothes!)
• I can start to weight bear on my left leg

Looking forward to a week of progression ahead and visits from my Mum and Dad :) They’ve solved my phone problem and are generally always there, absolute heroes. Today I’m stoked because I have one of my favourite nurses, Sheridan, so we’ve had some laughs and she’s keeping me cheery. A big reminder from Friday was how lucky I am to be here at the Epworth, I was so relieved to come back here and I’m definitely in good hands.

Note: still conservative on my right leg, no weight bearing there for another ~2 months.